Leaving Christianity & Coming Back Again
A lot has continued to shift since I last posted. These days you can find me leading workshops with my friend Marjorie Wallwey at Visions of Bliss Workshops. I’m writing a book, interviewing people for a soon-to-be-released podcast, and generally trying to go with God’s flow.
That’s unarguably the biggest thing about my life these days. In late 2017, I walked away from a lifetime of Christianity. The feelings of pain, abandonment, and disillusionment were too great. I felt like the biggest fool. For a while, I honestly could not fathom hell being real because I was already living it. I was a prisoner. Every time I tried to break free it felt like hitting a brick wall. Over and over and over again I hit that brick wall until finally, I just couldn’t do it anymore. The spiritual warfare was intense, insane, and heartbreaking. The attacks from others were soul crushing. I desperately began seeking help from whomever would provide it.
Through this, God never gave up. He kept prodding me along. There were nudges to go to church. Sermons popped up in my YouTube feed. My kids very randomly began bringing me my bible from the very back of my office shelves.
There was incredible movement in 2018…but no discernible progress. Movement does not always equal progress. Eventually I gave up completely. I more or less shut down my business, took a step back, and declared to God that I was done with whatever ridiculous plan I thought He had shown me. And it was in that space that Jesus stepped into my life in a very big, undeniable way. He wasn’t going to let me move forward without Him. I handed everything to God. The healing of my heart and soul suddenly moved at breakneck speed. The need to know how the future is coming together dissipated. Peace and lightness overcame me in a way I did not know it could exist. He wasn’t just healing the past five years. He was healing a lifetime of struggle. Those pieces I had been struggling so hard to heal were suddenly just…healed.
So going forward, know that my work will be from the Christian perspective. I cannot share my journey or struggles without it. The spiritual journey is so intertwined with everything that it’s impossible to leave it out. Isn’t it amazing how God does that? He will give you a pretty fantastic story if you will let Him.