Sitting With God
Today was one of those days. Last night I went to bed wrapped in comfort and promise. This morning I woke to chaos. At first I curled up on the couch in desperate, whiny prayer. When I very much felt the prompting to get my butt off the couch and tackle the chores that have been piling up, I did it. In between answering messages, praying for others, and scrubbing dishes, I poured my heart out to God. I cried as "Breathe" played on the radio. When the kids went to their rooms for rest time, I did something I rarely do: I curled up on the couch in the loft and sat with God.
That's it. I sat there. Mostly in silence, although there was casual conversation here and there. But He was with me. Sitting next to me on that couch. Almost immediately all the stress and worry melted away. I was filled with peace and a reminder of His promises. The reminder that He has this and everything is going to be okay. SOMETHING is right around the corner. It's right within reach.
We are still in a season of waiting. We still take one day at a time, trying our hardest to revel in the smallest of miracles. It's an odd place to be: somewhere between reality and a promising future. Aside from prayer, I feel as if my hands are tied. From praying over intense, years long spiritual warfare to very specifically anointing my dining room table (weird things happening over here...), we are in both a season of preparation and waiting. I do as I'm instructed without questioning it, even though many things don't make sense right now.
And it's hard. It is SO. HARD.
It is also odd to constantly feel as if we are now at a point where many lessons aren't even for us anymore. God is impressing something on the hearts of others and waiting for them to answer His call. When I start to stress over something it isn't unusual for Him to say, "I know it hurts. I know it's affecting you. But this one isn't actually for you." Then I do my best to breathe and trust, all while accepting that I don't need to know everything I want to know.
So today we sat. Right there on the love seat we sat. It was comfortable. Soothing. The worldly chaos no longer mattered in those moments. It was just God and me ... resting ... breathing ... trusting ... believing.
Answering my call has certainly been a trip. Blessings rain upon us even as we wait for the tides to fully turn. They always have, but now we actually see them. Don't discount the struggle, lovelies. Embrace it. Find joy even in your darkest hour. This is where you grow.
This is where you become.