That One Time I Broke My Daughter's Heart

Image.png

We went to Babies R Us the other night…and unintentionally broke our daughter’s heart. (Side note: do any of you remember when I completely crushed and traumatized my son a few Christmas’ ago? Oi!)

We only went to hand over our expired infant car seat. Whether we replace it there or not is immaterial. Just knowing it isn’t sitting in my basement or a landfill is enough for me. Really, though, we had no other drive to go. This is our third baby. There are no baby showers or excited inquirers requesting a registration. Amazon allows me to quickly peruse my options for the things we need to buy or replace. This world isn’t new to us. No. There’s been no reason to spend hours scouring the aisles of a baby store like we did with our first.

It’s a very different, albeit just as beautiful, experience welcoming a third child into the world.

We intended to go straight to Babies R Us. It was our priority. However, an emergency preschool potty break had us making our Target run first. Then we had another emergency potty break after leaving Target. At that point, we decided supper was a great idea to keep everyone going. So at bedtime, we finally made it to our originally intended destination.

Throughout the evening, Miss Harper kept asking us where we were going. “Babies R Us,” I told her. “It’s a place where you get things for babies.”

Harper’s face lit up hopefully. “Baby...store?” she said. “Yes!” I replied, proud that her still limited but growing speech put the two words together. “The baby store!”

Her excitement didn’t surprise me. This girl is obsessed with everything baby. She speaks to, hugs, and kisses my stomach; tries to shove food in my belly button; and pokes my stomach before seriously ordering Moglett to, “Go!” I’m pretty sure she is going to be my little mama. When she repeatedly asked throughout the evening when we were going to the "baby store," I didn't think much of it.

The baby store ended up being a good time. We picked out an outfit for coming home from the hospital. Harper and Matt test drove carseat/stroller combinations. We even took time to see if the small selection of bassinets had anything that would work well for putting Moglett in our bedroom for those first few months (SIDs reduction, suggestion #4). It's that or new beds for the older kids so we can swipe the crib/toddler bed from Harper...while fulfilling our year old promise to get Jake bunk beds.

After an hour, we bought the going home outfit and a small hat. We wheeled both exhausted kids out of the store in a shopping cart. As we pulled up to the car, Harper started crying. Her sadness was palpable. It was more than being out past bedtime.

“What’s wrong, Harper?” I asked.

She looked up at me with sad, tear-filled eyes and a quivering lower lip. “Baby?” she asked, pointing at the store.

My eyes flew wide as they met Matt’s and all the details rushed clearly together. “Matt,” I said almost frantically. “The baby store. She thought we came to the baby store to get the baby!”

That little girl had spent the last five hours excitedly anticipating the arrival of a new baby. Her barely controlled excitement and wiggles made so much more sense. She wasn’t excited about bottles, clothes, and baby toys. She was excited about a baby!

We soothed her as best we could as we got her out of the cold wind and into the car. I heard Matt reminding her that the baby will arrive at the hospital. She sniffled. We could see her trying to be brave and pull herself together. Throughout the drive home, she randomly cried tears of sadness while asking if we could go to the doctor instead of home.

Oh, my mama heart.

The next morning she came in bright and early to wake me up. “Doctor?” she asked before anything else.

Sweet, beautiful girl. I love you and your anticipation so very much. That you thought we were going to the store to pick up the baby was adorable and honestly preferable to pushing one out of me. I’m sorry we misunderstood and broke your heart a little bit.

I promise the extra little bit of wait will be worth it.

EMM Signature (2).png
Comment

Rebecca Mogg

After almost eight years as a well-paid, white collar career woman; my family's principal breadwinner (by a long shot); two babies; postpartum depression combined with emotional abuse; a loving, supportive husband who was always working his demanding job both on site and at home; and only one real vacation (leave was hoarded for family commitments and maternity leave), I was DONE. I was tired of being told I could have it all and, in the same breath, that I could not. I was at a crossroads: continue careening down a path that would surely destroy me and even end my marriage OR make changes that gave me time freedom, work/life balance, a happier family, and a happier ME.

I chose CHANGE. I walked away from that demanding, soul crushing arena to embrace my true self and create the life of my dreams. I left so I could travel when I CHOSE to travel, not when someone demanded it. I walked away from other people dictating when I could be a mother so I could decide that for my family. I chose to be a business woman on my own terms. At the end of the day, I walked away to empower not only myself, but women everywhere.

My main business is coaching others in weight loss, healthy aging, wealth creation, and performance. This lifestyle site is my way of sharing my God-led journey in hopes of inspiring, motivating, emboldening, and empowering each of you. 

So here I am: sharing my truth and relationship with the divine through my family and everyday life. I'm here to share love. It's a bold move in an age where talking about God is almost taboo. The last thing I want to do is isolate anyone. But He has called me to this and I have learned to do as He tells me to do! Most days anyway. I am, after all, incredibly human. Ha!

What To Do If Your 2017 Sucked

what to do if your 2017 sucked_empoweringmodernmom.com

I preach positivity, grace, self-acceptance, self-worth, and all the other things most coaches teach. Mindset is a very powerful thing. Right now our newsfeeds are filled with advice about planning/anticipating a beautiful 2018, embracing our blessings, and getting started on 2018 NOW. I agree with all of this. This is all important. I’ve done it.

But what do you do if 2017 sucked? If it was a kick in the teeth and every time you tried to stand up, it kicked you some more? What if you tried your hardest to be positive but by now it’s all you can do not to cry? What do you do if you’re looking back at the carnage feeling little else than pain, defeat, and loneliness?

Let’s be real here. Life isn’t always sunshine and roses. If your year was brutal, being told to look on the bright side and essentially ignore the bad is enough to make you want to throat punch someone. Being shoved off, ignored by friends, or treated like you have leprosy because you can't figure out how to pull out of your struggle/mindset makes it worse.

First, don’t hurt anyone. It’s a gift that so many cannot relate to your journey. Would you really want them to experience all you experienced? Or perhaps they have experienced hell-ish times in the past and are far enough on the other side now to not be bothered by much.

1.)    Write or yell it out. Write out everything you’re feeling. Acknowledge it. Face it. Confront it. Let yourself be angry. Cry. It is a step up from feeling powerless and abandoned. Every step forward is an important part of healing.

2.)    Once you are cried out, take a breath. Or 20. Feel the now vacant space from the released emotion. Now you have room to start seeing things another way. You have space to see more than the pain.

3.)    Count the blessings. What were the silver linings? What lessons did you learn? What fears did you face and survive? Give yourself credit for all your wonderfulness.

4.)    Decide what you can do to have a better 2018. Is it working out as an outlet and to take better control of your health? Is it finding a therapist or hiring a coach? Perhaps it’s confronting or severing a toxic relationship.

5.)    Make a statement. Set an intention and determine what you are or are not available for starting now. In 2018, I am unavailable for unnecessary suffering and am only available for exceptional results. Period. This is my new guidance system.

For those of you who are not basking in the glow of a wonderful 2017, it’s okay. You’re okay, even if it doesn’t feel like it. Know that you are worthy. You are loved. You are an exceptional human being who deserves a beautiful life. I’m pulling out of a brutal 2017, too. Thank goodness for my own coach who is helping me reshape my mindset around it all and leave the stories behind. All of us need someone to help us see the forest for the trees sometimes.

Don’t let this define you. Know that you can choose to step out of the struggle. You are loved and supported. Let your experiences give you the greatest comeback story foundation ever.

rebecca mogg empoweringmodernmom.com
Comment

Rebecca Mogg

After almost eight years as a well-paid, white collar career woman; my family's principal breadwinner (by a long shot); two babies; postpartum depression combined with emotional abuse; a loving, supportive husband who was always working his demanding job both on site and at home; and only one real vacation (leave was hoarded for family commitments and maternity leave), I was DONE. I was tired of being told I could have it all and, in the same breath, that I could not. I was at a crossroads: continue careening down a path that would surely destroy me and even end my marriage OR make changes that gave me time freedom, work/life balance, a happier family, and a happier ME.

I chose CHANGE. I walked away from that demanding, soul crushing arena to embrace my true self and create the life of my dreams. I left so I could travel when I CHOSE to travel, not when someone demanded it. I walked away from other people dictating when I could be a mother so I could decide that for my family. I chose to be a business woman on my own terms. At the end of the day, I walked away to empower not only myself, but women everywhere.

My main business is coaching others in weight loss, healthy aging, wealth creation, and performance. This lifestyle site is my way of sharing my God-led journey in hopes of inspiring, motivating, emboldening, and empowering each of you. 

So here I am: sharing my truth and relationship with the divine through my family and everyday life. I'm here to share love. It's a bold move in an age where talking about God is almost taboo. The last thing I want to do is isolate anyone. But He has called me to this and I have learned to do as He tells me to do! Most days anyway. I am, after all, incredibly human. Ha!

{Parenting} Getting Your Kids To Clean Their Rooms

Getting Your Younger Kids To Clean Their Rooms_Empoweringmodernmom.com

Does anyone else dread getting their children to clean their rooms? I've been guilty of putting it off until it's unbearable just because I don't want to deal with it. Things changed when I shifted my perspective and made it about my children's well-being instead of, well, me.

Teaching our children how to care for themselves and their surroundings is part of parenting. While I can't determine exactly which skills my children choose to embrace and which ones they scoff at and ignore, it is still my intention to raise self-sufficient, independent humans.

That means teaching them how to clean.

My son's bedroom is small. It currently has a full-size bed that we would love to switch out for a loft or bunk bed to allow him more useable space. In the meantime, he has a limited area to play and store his toys. Legos, hot wheels, books: they are constantly everywhere. It's overwhelming. If it's overwhelming for you, the adult, you can bet it's 10 times more overwhelming for your child.

1. Require it, but don't turn it into an unnecessary power struggle or punishment. This is an important part of growing up. It's important to raise my children to maybe someday live with other people who don't want to trip over their stuff all the time. It's not a punishment. It's not intended as a power struggle (been there, though). To emphasize the importance of this task, we tell Jake that his room has to be clean before he can do *insert desired activity here.* Lately, it's been a Lego video game that I don't like him spending much time on anyway. This kind of direction works well for him. In doing so, we are helping him learn that some things are more important and need to be taken care of before play.

2. Chunk it. Remember, if it overwhelms you, it likely overwhelms your child more. Teach them how to see the mess in smaller, more manageable actions. We have Jake focus on one category at a time. Pick up all the books, then move on to the legos, cars, laundry, dusting, etc.

3. It's okay to take breaks. Categorizing the pick-up allows for natural breaks. My kids are young enough that pushing through and doing everything at once is not a reasonable expectation. It's okay to take a water break after picking up all the books. This actually teaches them how to push through on something smaller and more manageable. It also teaches them the importance of listening to their bodies. Make it more manageable for your kids by teaching them when to take short breaks.

4. Help them. How you help your child depends on age, ability, and development. My two-year-old does not clean her room alone. I take charge and give her small, manageable tasks. My five-year-old can work independently. I check in to encourage, keep him going, and determine if I need to step in to lend a hand. This is a teaching/learning opportunity. We don't come out of the womb knowing how to clean. Like a lot of things, it takes instruction and practice.

How did you learn to clean? Were you guided and assisted or were you left in the overwhelm and told to get it done? Were parental check-ins really just frustrated, equally overwhelmed parents yelling at you to get it done and to get it done faster? If so, would it serve you, your child, and your family to do it differently?

To be honest, helping my children clean their rooms is not on my list of favorite things. Nope. I still put it off and avoid as much as possible. I would rather be downstairs doing my own thing while they do it all by themselves. However, turning them into capable, functioning adults is important. While teenagers are a different ball game, there is plenty I can do now while they are little. 

What works for you? How do you help your littles learn to clean and care for their spaces?

EMM Signature (2).png
2 Comments

Rebecca Mogg

After almost eight years as a well-paid, white collar career woman; my family's principal breadwinner (by a long shot); two babies; postpartum depression combined with emotional abuse; a loving, supportive husband who was always working his demanding job both on site and at home; and only one real vacation (leave was hoarded for family commitments and maternity leave), I was DONE. I was tired of being told I could have it all and, in the same breath, that I could not. I was at a crossroads: continue careening down a path that would surely destroy me and even end my marriage OR make changes that gave me time freedom, work/life balance, a happier family, and a happier ME.

I chose CHANGE. I walked away from that demanding, soul crushing arena to embrace my true self and create the life of my dreams. I left so I could travel when I CHOSE to travel, not when someone demanded it. I walked away from other people dictating when I could be a mother so I could decide that for my family. I chose to be a business woman on my own terms. At the end of the day, I walked away to empower not only myself, but women everywhere.

My main business is coaching others in weight loss, healthy aging, wealth creation, and performance. This lifestyle site is my way of sharing my God-led journey in hopes of inspiring, motivating, emboldening, and empowering each of you. 

So here I am: sharing my truth and relationship with the divine through my family and everyday life. I'm here to share love. It's a bold move in an age where talking about God is almost taboo. The last thing I want to do is isolate anyone. But He has called me to this and I have learned to do as He tells me to do! Most days anyway. I am, after all, incredibly human. Ha!

10 Lessons From Becoming A Work-At-Home Entrepreneur & Mom

10 Lessons From Becoming A Work-At-Home Entrepreneur and Mom empoweringmodernmom.com

Raising a business and babies isn't for the faint of heart. In those first days after leaving my secure, high paid job, I naively thought I would suddenly have all the time in the world to cook healthy meals for my children, keep the house sparkling, and build a business. I was no longer chained to a desk when someone told me to be there. There was no commuting or stepping out for super early East Coast conference calls. Days could almost be leisurely because all the time in the world was now mine.

Go ahead. Have a good laugh. I'll wait.

Reality hit in no time. So, without further ado, I present 10 Lessons From Becoming A Work-At-Home Entrepreneur & Mom.

1. Boundaries, boundaries, boundaries. Did you know that little kids who don't have a babysitter see no reason to stay out of your office? I learned quickly that I had to set boundaries. I also learned that my toddling daughter could not have cared less about those boundaries. She turns three in January and is finally starting to give me space to work - most days. That means I schedule all calls for naptime and days I know my husband will be home. While boundaries are important, my children remain my number one priority. It's a constant juggle.

2. Put down the cell phone. My iPhone is my biggest business tool. It also requires strict boundaries. Okay. I say strict, but it's always a work in progress. It's easy to get sucked into my phone all day every day. What are my clients doing? What is the business owner I look up to doing on her social media today? What's in my inbox? Ooooo, Instastories! Suddenly the day is gone and there is nothing productive to show for it. My favorite is to leave my phone in my closet or bathroom while I sleep. Not only do I have to physically get out of bed to turn off the alarm, but then I can turn it back over and not look until I've journaled, gotten our oldest to school, and started the workday. Social media and email before my brain woke up was NOT a good combination. Stressful messages and emails set the tone for the day in an instant if I wasn't careful. So I turned off email notifications and don't check until I'm ready to do so. But, for transparency, let's be real. I've left my phone in my closet or bathroom only a handful of times. I love the distance but loathe getting up to turn off the alarm. Snooze and I still have a co-dependent relationship going on.

3. My schedule didn't matter to anyone until I declared that it mattered. The great thing about not being tethered to the federal government any longer was that I could work around my family's schedules. The frustrating thing about not being tethered to the federal government any longer was that I could work around my family's schedules. Before striking out on my own, this was the case anyway. It was just more stressful because I still had to get my hours in at the office, get my work done, be a present mother, and help my husband adhere to his (old) non-flexible paramedic schedule. My head had to be in the game pretty much everywhere at once. There was accountability with an employer, though. With that accountability gone, I gradually learned that if I didn't set aside clear work time each day, it wouldn't happen. My to-do list was still on the backburner. So Mama put her foot down. Work started getting done consistently. We're finding some balance here. Yea!

4. Even when I wanted (and tried) to walk away, my soul and purpose wouldn't let me.  Something happened when I stepped into this calling. Even when I turned it into a soul-crushing, terrifying, what-have-I-done experience and walked away, it beckoned me back. I can't quit you, EMM. I don't really want to quit you. That we're growing and gaining ground makes it so much better. Ladies, when we decide it has to be hard, it's hard. When we decide we're going to connect to a power beyond ourselves and let it flow with ease and grace, it begins to flow. Take it from someone who spent two years beating her head against a brick wall. There are better ways.

5. Shine as you are.  There's something to be said for being unapologetically yourself. I am not perfect. Far from it. I don't always say or do the "right" things. My experience with working motherhood is not every other woman's experience with it. I've gotten pushback on some of my experiences and the transparency surrounding them. It makes me incredibly happy that my honesty about it all has started conversations that need to be had. You don't have to agree with me on everything. Please don't blindly take my stories and experiences as your own. That does not serve any of us. The conversations, though...those are important. 

6. I really do get to schedule business and family around each other! Referring back to number three, this freedom really is the best part. Once I figured out how to schedule my days and set boundaries with my family, the sky became the limit. Building a business from home means an added layer of communication with your family. Do it early. Do it often. It's not a solo effort with a significant other and children.

7. Building a brand is fun because building that brand is about becoming fully and authentically yourself. My brand has been about being unapologetically myself and allowing you to witness my own growth from the very beginning. It's been about no longer being stifled by the fear that I'll somehow say or do something that could get me fired. I could not authentically grow this business while in my old career. It's been about shucking everyone else's expectations and fulfilling my calling. Now I show up every day and let you get to know me. Based on that transparency, those who like and resonate with me stay. Those who don't move on to something else. There is freedom in this approach. We don't have to pretend to be people we aren't. Building a business based on who you are and what you can do for others has its perks. When you're brave enough to step out authentically and imperfectly, personal growth and business growth are an incredible thing to see.

8. Ladies, we can do what we love.  It's the week before Christmas and I'm joyfully working. What in the actual world? I have never been able to say that. Does your work bring you joy and fulfillment? It doesn't matter what that looks like: a 9-5, entrepreneurship, volunteer work, motherhood, etc. The beauty of today is that we get to make decisions that work for us.

9. I don't have to do it alone. I'm not about to stop being honest with you. One of my biggest hangups going into this was my inability to accept help. Past toxic and abusive situations had taught me that there is always a price to pay for someone else's assistance. Normally a painful, if not soul-crushing, one. I had not yet accepted that there are people who care and want to help simply to see me, my business, and the EMM purpose advance. Living in trust and allowing myself to receive when I've mostly known pain surrounding both cost me a lot of time, effort, and money. Cleaning out the toxic relationships made room for the non-toxic ones. I just hadn't figured out how to let them in...

10. I had to put on my oxygen mask before I could help others do the same. I am all for helping people pro bono. One day I fully intend to have a specific pro bono side to this business. Women at all income levels need assistance. However, I was doing everything for free. Yes. Everything. No money was coming in, but a lot of work was going out. Bills weren't being paid. We were always overdrafted. I wasn't building a business. I was drowning in a submerged ship. I was destroying my family while working my tail off. One day I felt so unappreciated and like I couldn't possibly be making a difference that I sat down to make a list. The list was of all the women I could think of off the top of my head that I had helped in the past year. I stopped myself after filling four pages front and back. EMM was definitely making a difference. First, I do not regret helping anyone. I would do it all again. It was a massive lesson, though, in claiming my worth and making sure I'm not sacrificing my family and well-being to pull others up and out of their own crises. Pulling others out of their struggles created one of the biggest struggles of my life. I embodied a lot of shame and failure because of it. Now we let the miracles flow as I claim my worth and build an actual business.

 

Any work-at-home entrepreneurs: I'm curious. What have your biggest lessons been?

EMM Signature (2).png
Comment

Rebecca Mogg

After almost eight years as a well-paid, white collar career woman; my family's principal breadwinner (by a long shot); two babies; postpartum depression combined with emotional abuse; a loving, supportive husband who was always working his demanding job both on site and at home; and only one real vacation (leave was hoarded for family commitments and maternity leave), I was DONE. I was tired of being told I could have it all and, in the same breath, that I could not. I was at a crossroads: continue careening down a path that would surely destroy me and even end my marriage OR make changes that gave me time freedom, work/life balance, a happier family, and a happier ME.

I chose CHANGE. I walked away from that demanding, soul crushing arena to embrace my true self and create the life of my dreams. I left so I could travel when I CHOSE to travel, not when someone demanded it. I walked away from other people dictating when I could be a mother so I could decide that for my family. I chose to be a business woman on my own terms. At the end of the day, I walked away to empower not only myself, but women everywhere.

My main business is coaching others in weight loss, healthy aging, wealth creation, and performance. This lifestyle site is my way of sharing my God-led journey in hopes of inspiring, motivating, emboldening, and empowering each of you. 

So here I am: sharing my truth and relationship with the divine through my family and everyday life. I'm here to share love. It's a bold move in an age where talking about God is almost taboo. The last thing I want to do is isolate anyone. But He has called me to this and I have learned to do as He tells me to do! Most days anyway. I am, after all, incredibly human. Ha!